So today I felt like talking about a topic that I haven’t really spoken about before, but feel it may be good to share as I feel like it isn’t spoken about too often. In May, I decided to delete all my online dating apps after nearly a 2 years of using them on and off.
This was something i’d been thinking about for a long while, however I always found excuses to keep the apps and keep swiping. I guess the constant swiping became a bit addictive. Just the thought of knowing there was so much possibility and potential out there made me feel good, and the surprise of seeing how many matches I got excited me.
I went on my fair share of dates, most of them with lovely people – however it never really worked out for a variety of reasons. Yet there was a constant ticking in my mind that from the age of 21, I needed to try harder and put myself out there to get in a relationship – because I believed that if I wasn’t married by 30 or sooner then that makes me a failure. This is still a mindset that i’m working hard to drop every day, but it really put pressure on me to keep trying with these apps for so long.
Of course, this attitude along side no dates ever really going anywhere became exhausting. I can’t pinpoint when exactly, but it became very clear that it was making me feel quite down about myself. I’d question my self worth a lot, like if I was pretty enough, or if I was good enough, or if I was ever worthy of having a healthy, loving, romantic relationship.
In may, my last… thing… ( not really a relationship but nearly a relationship) ended, so decided it was time to quit dating apps and start putting myself first. I was tired of being so down and it was becoming too much of a distraction, so didn’t feel worth it anymore. If anyone has been througb this, you’ll understand me when I say the first week was a struggle. I looked at dating apps multiple times through the week, and I downloaded a few.. but never logged into them. I just deleted them again and decided I needed to keep myself busy as it was constantly on my mind.
The second week was similar, I thought about them constantly when I was bored. I knew exactly what I was missing, and although I know they aren’t great for me – I missed the swiping and the short term feelings of excitement. Instead, I found myself having to make a conscious effort to stay busy to distract myself from these thoughts.
However, after the two week mark it got so much easier. I kept my head down and got on with my own projects, such as this blog and getting my driving theory finished. ( I passed first time, yay!). I also learnt how to cook, excersized both at home and the gym, and really made an effort to make more friends and reconnect with my existing ones. I feel like this was the massive turning point, where it all suddenly clicked in my head that I am better off taking a break from dating apps. I just needed to spend more time with myself and stop obsessing over my mental ticking clock and live in the present because I am good enough, with or without a partner.
It’s now a two months later, and i’m very proud of the progress i’ve made. I can safely say that although I definitely have lonely nights on the odd occasion ( Putting youtubers on in the background easily fixes that), I don’t miss dating apps as much anymore. I actually feel a lot more at peace without them, and even feel a relieved when I hear of guys not treating their girls right… because for once its not me and my life is actually quite peaceful without men right now. If anything, I just wish that I’d have taken this break sooner. I am very proud of what i’ve achieved so far, however I can’t help but imagine how much quicker I could’ve gotten my driving theory and other tasks out of the way – had I just put my head down sooner and stopped wasting so much time on apps.
Maybe in the future, when I have my own house and car I may consider looking into dating apps again, depending on how I feel when I get there. However i’ve had this time to reflect so will definitely take a different approach. I will ensure that I don’t neglect myself in the process, and try to not take it too seriously. Things like this are not worth feeling sad over, if it works then great, if not then no biggie – life goes on. Life will always go on, because you are really stronger than you think.
Have you guys ever been on datings apps? If so, what did you think?
~ Emma x